When you cross my mind you best look both ways.

One week to go.

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 22:10:12 GMT

In one week my wonderful girlfriend will be arriving for a long stay. It will be awesome.

That is all.

The walk.

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 19:12:58 GMT

Well, I didn't make it the whole 54 miles, just 42, but I'm still pretty impressed with that. I'd like to thank our awesome support team (Adrian, Marielle and Darren) who made it all possible, and the volunteers who gave so much so people could carry on. I recommend the Caledonian Challenge to anyone who likes hot physiotherapists.

Stage 1 went well, we were all feeling good after starting at 0900 and the midges weren't too much of a bother with our hats on. We took a wrong turn briefly but got back on track and finished the longest stage with a reasonable time. Mostly the stage was about warming up and finding a pace for the rest of the distance. The rest stop was longer than we had planned for but we all took on a load of tasty carbohydrates and I found out that my smoking was actively encouraged to keep the midges at bay.

Stage 2 is where it all started to go wrong for me. Andrew, our leader if you will, was dehydrated coming up Devil's Staircase (550m elevation) so we were a bit worried about that and by the time we'd reached the bottom of the far side my knees were starting to play up. Coming into Glen Coe I could hardly bend my legs and on the long hill up to the rest stop I was making terrible time, barely planting one foot in front of the other. The rest stop was a revelation though. Merielle (one of the support crew and a former finisher and physio at the event) managed to get me in to see one of her mates in the physio tent and two ibuprofen and one massage later I felt like a new man. I forced down some food and we headed out for Stage 3.

Stage 3 was along the old military road and it was hard going on the feet. It has some beautiful views and is mostly flat so it's at least easy on the legs. It was also where we saw our first retirement, a lady from another team who was looking extremely ill. Fortunately her team had it all in hand, one stayed with her whilst the other quickly covered the three miles to the next checkpoint to fetch medical help. The medics were on hand with an ambulance to get it all sorted. Good men. The military road is also notable for every team member needing a toilet break. Yo was first to give in, jumping a gate into a forest to find some cover whilst Andrew and Geoff ran to the rest stop. I remembered some substantial rhododendrum bushes from the practise walk so waited for them. We also met the charming members of a Glaswegian boxing club who were planning to walk the entire West Highland Way. I hope they make it. At the rest stop I decided to have my feet taped up (a blister on each heel and the balls of my feet were aching from the stony road surface) rather than get another massage. That may have been a mistake.

Stage 4 started well, although since it was 2300 by now and I had forgotten my headlight I was worried about how well we were going to do with someone having to light my way. Turns out it was a nice easy track for the first third or so. A nice easy track with wild Highland cattle that is. Honestly, who lets two tons of muscle and big fucking horns wander about when 1500 people are going to come by? We survived our encounter with the local fauna although I wonder at the number of people who must have turned back confronted by a massive mum on one side of the road and her two defenceless calves on the other. Apart from that, and the return of sore knees, I was feeling pretty confident. Then we hit the hard part. Following the track with a sheer drop on one side (and me in the middle of the night with nothing to light my way except my team-mates) was a climb up what appeared to be a riverbed, then a scramble up some rocks before getting to a very uneven footpath. Not good. Still, we survived that (with more ibuprofen my legs were feeling better again) and looked forward to the next rest stop. The signs said six and a half miles to the stop, six and a half miles later the signs said two and a half miles, and two and a half miles after that we were reassured that the stop was ten minutes away. By this time Yo had gone very quiet and Andrew was flagging badly. My legs were feeling alright, not great, but the soles of my feet felt like I'd been testing a hammer on them. When Yo announced her decision to retire at the end of the stage I was surprised, I always thought I'd be first to quit (and at the end of the second stage I thought I was going to be) and Yo is a serious walker. But on the way into the stage end I could see her limping and wondered if a massage was going to be able to fix this one. We sat in the support van to chat about what was going to happen, Andrew was still panting as though he was in the middle of a climb. He knew it was dangerous for him to continue and told us he would be dropping out too. I thought about the ache in my feet, the damage to my knees, the knots in my calves and the new pain in my ankles, then I thought about how the next 12 mile stage to the finish would be over a quarter of the distance we had covered already and decided that I wasn't going to make it. I wasn't sure my mind was there and I really didn't want to end up hating walking. Geoff performed like a star and went to find a team to buddy up with.

I wasn't awake when Geoff finished (being swept across a loch by Royal Marines) but I was very glad he'd managed it. Apparently the fifth stage was the worst by far (for me it was unimaginable that something could be worse than stage four) but he slogged it out to pick up our team's only gold medal. You're a legend Geoff.

I think I'll be back next year, I felt pretty good despite all the aches and pains, I still had a load of energy and it was only the worry of permanent damage and the nagging doubts of finishing the stage that stopped me. Next year people I'm going to do it all.

Walk to end my life.

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 08:02:27 GMT

Hello peeps. As some of you may know I'm off on a quick jaunt this weekend, specifically walking 54 miles across the West Highland Way in 24 hours as part of the Caledonian Challenge.

I'm still trying to raise sponsorship so if you'd like to sling the Scottish Communities Foundation some money please visit:

http://www.caledonianchallenge.com/sponsorship/online.php

Our team is the boringly-named Fujitsu-Siemens Computers and you can donate up to the first of August.

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 16:59:12 GMT

Now, I know a lot of my friends are not from Sheffield and so won't realise the import of this photo.

What I find interesting isn't that someone has decided to paint up his scooter with a Henderson's Relish scheme (I mean he's from Sheffield, it was that or red & white/blue & white stripes.) but that the photo (which I pulled off the Henderson's Relish website) is labelled "Hendo Bike".

HENDOOOOO! HENDOOOOO!

Beware you don't run into the Hendo Mob on West Street, they'll fuck you up good and leave you smelling of vinegar.

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 15:50:55 GMT

I'm 30 tomorrow.

*sigh*

Sat, 31 May 2008 15:24:50 GMT

This proves that plagiarism is both for fun and profit.

To Adrian Sutil

Sun, 25 May 2008 14:21:00 GMT

Damn, I don't know if I'd of handled it as well as you did. Heartbreaking. Good drive though dude.

It's not just the Japanese who do the mental...

Sat, 24 May 2008 18:14:01 GMT

...from the southern states of the US comes this.

I kinda like it. To drive one of these is to, I am reliably informed, "box a donk donk".

Have _you_ had an unexpected stimulant injection lately?

Fri, 23 May 2008 13:14:13 GMT

"User called to advise that he has spilled coffee on the base unit of his PC, and the monitor has stopped working.

It seems that the monitor cable in the back of the base unit bore the brunt of the caffienated deluge, as the user had to dry the connector before he was able to unscrew it and reseat the cable.

He has done this, but despite the fact that both monitor and base unit have power, the screen is displaying a "no signal" message.

Passing to FSC to check monitor, and make sure that there is no further damage from the unexpected stimulant injection."

What's up with this guy?

Thu, 22 May 2008 17:12:16 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GgWrV8TcUc

Officer Rivieri of the Baltimore PD needs to calm down and get fired.

Motherfuckers

Wed, 21 May 2008 21:45:24 GMT

And now the bonnet badge has gone off my car. Since the bonnet needs repainting anyway I'll probably leave it, but still. Motherfuckers.

Karma is a bitch.

This one couldn't wait.

Wed, 14 May 2008 15:28:05 GMT

"user advised that a tofee sweet fell into the printer, the paper fed through the printer taking the tofee sweet with it

the printer smells of burning as the toffe sweet has gone through the printer

user advied they are unable to use the printer as the printer has tofee inside it"

You crazy Japanese!

Sat, 10 May 2008 16:58:01 GMT

God bless you, you crazy island nation. Although I didn't know they had carnies over there.

IV

Sat, 03 May 2008 18:27:51 GMT

For those who haven't heard yet, GTA IV is good. Really good. Maybe _too_ good?

Any tiny flaw in the game sticks out a mile because the rest is just so polished. I'm not saying Rockstar should settle for level mediocrity because I love them pushing the boat out, it's just that I can't help but feel that the game may have been a better experience if it were not as good. The smallest problem or glitch now makes me rant or weep.

I'm fucking conflicted y'all.

Still it's well worth the money, _well_ worth it, and I have no regrets about having the limited edition version which comes with some typically high-quality goodies. Rockstar's attention to detail is second to none.

Now comes the science, feel free to tune out.

The game cost $100 million to make, that's the most expensive videogame of all time peeps. It took three and a half years to make, Rockstar set up an office in NYC for research, Rockstar North took two trips to the city as well as getting Rockstar NYC to send them, amongst other things, data on neighbourhood ethnicity and videos of traffic patterns.

The game has made $186 million in its first day out. That's the highest grossing opening day of all time yo!

In short, this game may not herald a new age in videogame production, I think that happened some time ago, but it does represent the best implementation of this new way of making games. Go, play it.

GTA4.

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 09:46:59 GMT

Well, it's only a couple of days away and I have a problem. I have built this game up so much that if it doesn't be awesome straight out of the box (or preferably even whilst inside the box) I will probably die of disappointment.

How can I temper my expectations?

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 23:02:21 GMT

Knackered.

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 14:16:04 GMT

"user advised passbook printer is making a crackling noise and also has a burning smell"

Of course we replace burning kit, although usually we wait for it to go out before sending an engineer.

Guns don't kill people...

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 10:43:59 GMT

...Alzheimers does!

Man, I've forgotten how many films I've seen Charlton Heston in and I'm not even a cinephile.

Land of the free from prosecution.

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 16:43:37 GMT

Charges have been dropped against a fifth defendent in the Haditha trials. For those with short memories this was the Iraqi town in which eight US Marines are alleged to have killed 24 men, women and children in retaliatory killings following a bomb attack on their convoy. At this point I see little hope of justice being served.

From Reuters - "Marines have testified that Tatum, who initially faced more serious charges of unpremeditated murder and negligent homicide, was among those who "cleared" two Iraqi houses after the roadside bombing, resulting in 19 deaths.

"Another Marine testified Tatum told him to shoot a group of Iraqi women and children he found on a bed in a closed room. That Marine said he walked away but saw Tatum return and heard a loud noise, possibly gunfire or a grenade."

ZOMG, it's teh credit crunch!!!11

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 18:54:26 GMT

Obviously teh BBC have been taking courses in 1337.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/7297048.stm

Get straight to the point why don't you?

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 15:47:27 GMT

"PRINTING SCREWING PRINTER"

What a great short description. I imagine the call continues with descriptions of how printing is "fucking the printer right up", that the printer has "had enough" and that they have told the printing to "leave it, it's not worth it".

Ignore the spelling mistakes.

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 09:43:36 GMT

"User informs his neighbours house was hit by lightening but shot from lines and hit reset of street- including his house.
User informs at the moment- laptop does not swtich on."

What I want to know is how the user knows his neighbour's house was hit. Was he watching the storm?

Indestructible? _Nothing_ is indestructible.

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 12:39:22 GMT

This is a brave boast. I look forward to pissing on their parade from a very great height.

In other news I'm off to America on Thursday to see the missus, where I look forward to pissing on their St. Patrick's Day parade from a very great height.

There's a hole in my bootlid, dear Liza, dear Liza...

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 14:45:02 GMT

I have come of the house today to find my BMW slightly less clearly marked due to the badge proudly adorning the bootlid having been nicked. I blame kids.

I feel this is the time of my life that I should turn from liberal to right-wing (the time when I first become the victim of someone else's actions) but to be honest I've done much worse when I was a kid so I can't really bring myself to have a go at them. After all, it's a badge, they're easy and cheap enough to replace and it could be worse.

Having said that my liberal tendencies would not stop me from knocking seven shades out of them if I catch them messing with my car again. I try to be a pacifist but threats to my car cause a red mist to descend.

I didn't doctor this...

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 16:42:25 GMT

..except for removing the location to protect the innocent.

"This is now an 'edidemic' with laptop users at the XXXX location."

I like how he put his own quotes around the one word he spells incorrectly. There are no typos further up the incident to show he's tweaking the first-line's nipples or anything.

I wonder if the dude randomly puts inverted commas around words whose spelling he is unsure off as a kind of insurance policy?

Oh well, time to go sort out the laptop edidemic.